June 29, 2007

Dear Companies Who Won't Hire Me Because I Don't Have Enough Experience,

How am I supposed to "have experience" if you won't hire me to give me experience?

Love,
Crystal

June 25, 2007

Dear Handsome Single Guy Eating Alone In My Section Who Tipped Me Ridiculously Well Today During Lunch,

Thank you! I'm flattered! But next time you should leave your number too!

Love,
Joanna

Dear Brand New Mustache,

So at first it was a bad joke, but now I kind of like you. Can we work things out?

Love,
Michael

Dear Aunt And Uncle,

So you want me to stay at your house for a week? And you have an outdoor pool? And a hot tub? And you just gota brand new flat screen TV with surround sounds and On Demand? Let me check my schedule...I'm free!

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Ex-Boyfriend Who Texted Me 8 Times And Called me 3 Times In One Day After 2 Years Of Not Talking,

What the ????

Love,
CJ

June 16, 2007

Dear People With Jobs,

How is that you have more time to submit letters to unsorted mail than I do?

Love,
Marie

Dear Sorority House I Currently Live In,

Never thought I'd be able to say that at age 24.

Love,
Marie

June 07, 2007

Dear Ex-girlfriend Who E-mailed Me To Warn Me That She Saw Pictures On Facebook Of My Little Cousin With A "Bad Boy",

I won't ask why you were looking at pictures of junior high kids on Facebook; I'd rather not know. But I do appreciate the concern of a girl who's past relationships include a crack addict and her best friend's boyfriend.

Love,
Michael

Dear Guy Who Is Perfect For Me,

Hey (hey), You (you), I don't like your girlfriend.

Love,
Ashley

Dear Strange Man Who Walked Into Our Studio, Sat In The Gallery, And Held A 15 Minute Conference Call On Your Cell Phone,

Get an office!

Love,
The Gals at Art Space on Main

Dear Bank Statement,

What do you mean I spend my entire two weeks pay on Starbucks?!?!?

Love,
Daniella

June 04, 2007

Dear Boy Who Told My Dad While "Helping" Me Move That He Had Lifted His Fair Share For The Day,

I wouldn't have even considered dating you before, but now I wouldn't let my friends date you either.

Love,
Lisa

June 03, 2007

June 01, 2007

Dear Kids Graduating High School Who Were Freshmen When I Was A Senior,

Thank you so much. I always wanted to feel old and that I wasted three years at the same time.

Love,
Michael

P.S. CONGRATULATION!

Dear Dallas TV Networks,

Under what criteria is the announcement that Superbowl 2011 will be hosted in Dallas worthy of a Special Report and therefore worthy of interrupting 45 minutes of my soap opera???

Love,
Amy

Dear Cab Driver In Vegas,

You're really creepy. Thanks for the card. I'll hang onto it so that when I see a news story about a cab driver kidnapping women, I'll be able to tip off the police.

Love,
Erin

Dear Interviewee,

Next time someone asks you how you deal with angry customers, don't reply, "I have a metal bat at home." Some don't find that funny. Some being me.

Love,
Jeremy

Dear Mother,

The fact that you gave me a monogrammed beach bag for my 21st birthday, reading A.L.E. makes me wonder if you gave me the initials you did just for this purpose...If so, well played.

Love,
Alison Elizabeth L.

Dear Geek Squad Guy At Best Buy,

If you were trying to flirt with me, then mentioning that you have a computer just for your gaming and anime was not a good call.

Love,
Stacie