January 29, 2008

Dear Boyfriend,

Let's try to keep it that way.

Love,
Jen

Dear Starting My Running Program Tomorrow,

This is the first time in a long time that I have prayed for a stomach virus.

Love,
Miriam

Dear Friend Who Just Drank Six Capri Suns in a Row,

The weirdest thing is how normal you think that is.

Love,
Jen

Dear Friend Who Continues to Try to Play Jokes on Me,

Thanks for the hole in my window. You're really funny, but maybe you should stop while you are behind.

Love,
Jen

January 25, 2008

Dear Facebook WooMe.com Ads,

Yes, I'm single. That doesn't mean I'm desperate.

Love,
Kim

Dear Friend Desperately Trying to Avoid Homework,

It's difficult to believe that plucking your leg hair is less painful.

Love,
Lottie

Dear Friend Who Played a Joke on Me that Resulted in a Plank Hitting Me In the Head Which Also Resulted In Memory Loss,

Remember that? I don't.

Love,
Jen

Dear Ricky From Project Runway,

Please stop crying. You should have been kicked off four weeks ago.

Love,
Caitlin

January 21, 2008

Dear Love Life,

You're like a unicorn...you don't exist.

Love,
B.E.

Dear Friend Who I Am Doing the Couch to 5K Running Program With,

Just keep telling yourself that not starting until next week is about transitioning...not about failing again.

Love,
Miriam

January 20, 2008

Dear Bottled Water,

Why didn't I think of you?

Love,
David

Dear Wikipedia,

Honestly, can I trust you if, on your own page, some random person claimed to be the founder and didn't get busted for a while?

Love,
David

Dear Gene Simmons On Celebrity Apprentice,

You creep the hell out of me but you're a marketing genius.

Love,
Michael

January 17, 2008

January 15, 2008

Dear Homeless Panhandler Guy,

You look really warm in the new North Face Down Jacket that is better than anything I own. Nice try though...

Love,
Kendall

Dear Parents Who Pay $16,000 a Year for Pre-School and Yet Went In Together to Get Me a $15 Gift Card to Target for Christmas,

You suck!

Love,
The teacher you thanked for sharing her love of music

January 13, 2008

Dear Panic At The Disco Dropping the Exclamation Point From Their Name,

This changes nothing.

Love,
Michael

Dear Walk Hard,

Thank you. Thank you for giving us all new one-liners. Napoleon Dynamite, 40 Year Old Virgin, Talledega Nights, and Anchorman have had their heyday. It passed a long time ago.

Love,
Ashely B.

Dear Black Speck of Food Lodged Between My Boss's Two Front Teeth During Our One-On-One Meeting,

You looked so comfy, I didn't have the heart to tell her about you.

Love,
D

Dear Maybelline,

Could you possibly enlarge the font size on your Great Lash mascara where you specify color? What the heck and I going to do with a whole tube of Royal Blue? Who buys that anyway?

Love,
Liza

Dear Male Staff Member at My University Who Is Probably 50 Years Or Older,

Why did it frighten me to discover your fully "decked out" facebook account and ample correspondence with female students?

Love,
Leah

Dear "Practice Makes Perfect,"

I disagree.

Love,
Ann

January 09, 2008

January 06, 2008

Dear Netflix,

You just suggested the "Roast of William Shatner: Uncensored" for me, and predicted that I would give it 4 stars. I'm slightly offended.

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Three Guys Doing Magic Tricks On Public Transportation,

Thanks for sitting across from me. It was a definite upgrade from watching drug deals.

Love,
Phoebe

January 03, 2008

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

Our ability to completely avoid each other at the New Year's party was impressive; three hourse in a full house of thirty people and we didn't make eye contact once. Way to go.

Love,
Michael

P.S. They're my friends, not yours.

Dear Starting Off The New Year With The Flu,

This looks promising.

Love,
Jen

Dear Parents Of Sick Children,

Is it really my responsibility to tell you that it is completely inappropriate to mess around in your child's hospital room? If so, please take this as your cue.

Love,
Your Friendly Social Worker

Dear Portland Trail Blazers,

Even though you lost game 14 to the Jazz, I love you madly and thank you for returning Rip City to Portland.

Love,
Allison

Dear Roommate Who Wet The Bed Last Night,

Next time take the bottom bunk.

Love,
Jen

Dear Man My Cousin Brought Home For Christmas With A House And Two Cars Already Paid For,

Thanks for turning my aunt into the perfect holiday hostess.

Love,
Lottie