Dear David Cook's Version Of Billie Jean On American Idol,

I believe that is the exact definition of "panty dropper."

Love,
Jenniac

Dear Legally Blonde,

Thanks for be the primary source of most of my legal vocabulary.

Love,
Jen

Dear Alex And Your Numerous Unsorted Mail Postings Regarding Your Ex-Boyfriend,

Sounds like you need a restraining order.

Love,
Kendall

Dear Roommate,

Thanks for taking 40 minutes showers starting at midnight. No I hadn’t planned on going to bed any time soon.

Love,
Ben

Dear Person Who Stole My Credit Card,

The fact that your charges where at the porn shop, Taco Cabana, and the liquor store makes me think we were destined to be best friends.

Love,
Chris

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

No thanks. I don't care for emotionally detached "friends."

Love,
Alex

Dear Diploma,

You're lucky my mom cares so much about you, otherwise I wouldn't give a...well you know.

Love,
Meg

Dear Diploma,

You're lucky my mom cares so much about you, otherwise I wouldn't give a...well you know.

Love,
Meg

Dear Unsorted Mail Bloggers Writing About Spring Break,

What's that?

Love,
Katie P.

Dear Friend Who Texted Me An Unsorted Mail Post at 3:25am,

A little early, but I'll take it!

Love,
Katie

Dear Ex-Boyfriend Who Supposedly Still Wants To Be Friends,

Sending me texts to the effect of, "I don't want to be there for you" doesn't help matters.

Love,
Alex

Dear Beach,

Thanks for not getting warm until my last day with you.

Love,
Alex

Dear Spring Break,

How do I make a career out of you?

Love,
Jen

Dear Last 4 Days Before Spring Break,

I would really appreciate it if you didn’t exist. Like a lot. So work on that. Thanks.

Love,
Hannah

Dear Unsorted Mail,

Thank you for giving me a reason to get up during spring break!

Love,
Christine

Dear Liver and Sleep Schedule,

I'm not mad at you guys, so I don't know why I'm treating you this way. I guess I tend to hurt the ones I love the most.

Love,
Michael

Dear Advertising Picture on Facebook labeled "Ass Man,"

Your resemblance to my ex-boyfriend is astounding and hilarious.

Love,
Anonymous

Dear Spring Break,

I know I said I'd be more productive, but watching 5 movies a day is just so much more fun.

Love,
Alex

Dear Roommate Who Believes Uninsured People Who Cause Car Wrecks Should Have To Sell Any Organ They Have Two of to Pay the Other Person's Damages,

I'm pretty sure you just defined the term "bold statement."

Love,
Ann

Dear Male Friends,

Stop treating me like one of the guys and always falling for my more attractive best friend. I'm still a girl with girl wants and needs.

Love,
Anon

Dear Stomach,

I'm sorry about the last 4 days. I understand why you are so mad, and I promise tomorrow will be different.

Love,
Jen

Dear Roommate,

I really am listening... I just listen better with my eyes closed... or multitasking.

Love,
Anon Roommate

Dear Starbucks,

There really should be a five step anonymous addiction class for you.

Love,
Erin

Dear Overly Friendly Drive-Thru Man,

When you said, "That'll be $4.27. I look forward to seeing you at the window." I don't think you realized how creepy that sounded.

Love,
Liza

Dear Marie,

Happy Birthday!!

Love,
Katie

Dear Monday After Spring Break,

Ugh.

Love,
Katie

Dear Tastebuds,

It would be socially helpful to me if your cravings for mustard could be satisfied through the traditional vehicle of a sandwich instead of a bowl and spoon. I'm running out of explanations.

Love,
Lottie

Dear Hostess At Bosco's,

What we're dealing with here is your classic junior high crush. I'll just pass a note to the waiter asking if you wanna go steady. Deal? Deal.

Love,
Michael

Dear Strangers With No Spacial Awareness,

If I wanted to be that close to you, I would have said something.

Love,
Anon

Dear Graduating in T-2 Months,

Oh shit.

Love,
Alison

Dear Guy Sitting Next To Me At A Coffee Shop,

There's this feature on your phone called "vibrate." Try it.

Love,
Alex

Dear Billboard In Miami,

Stop ripping off Unsorted Mail.

Love,
Chin

Dear Ex-Fiance,

Stop trying to insert yourself into my life. You were there long enough as it is.

Love,
Alex

Dea Guy In The Computer Lab,

I'm sorry that your four-page article got mixed up in the printer with my five lengthy articles about castrati. I hope that didn't make you uncomfortable. And I'm doing research for a paper, I swear.

Love,
Phoebe

Dear Ingrid Michaelson,

Thank you for singing about a melted snowman. It made sense to me.

Love,
Rachel