Dear K-Fed's Upcoming Professional Wrestling Debut,

Still classy.

Love,
Michael

Dear First Post-College Christmas "Break" Of Only 3 Days,

Bah-humbug to you too.

Love,
Blair

Dear Chimichanga,

You aren't so good the second time around.

Love,
Courtney

Dear Super Walmart,

How could you possibly be out of cigarette lighters???

Love,
Joanna

Dear Chocolate Cake And Beer,

Thank you for our amazing evening together.

Love,
Megan, Matt, Megan, & Court

Dear Citizens Jeans,

What do you have against girls who are taller than 5'6" and weigh more than 100 lbs?

Love,
Megan

Dear Steve Nash,

Thank you for getting a hair cut.

Love,
Megan

Dear Rosie,

You're fired.

Love,
Angela

Dear Mortgage Payment,

Quit cramping my style.

Love,
Courtney

Dear Perrier Bottle,

Sure I've filled you with regular tap water, but you still make me feel so classy.

Love,
Greg

Dear Verizon Chocolate Phone,

Riddle me this...why don't you make a BROWN PHONE?

Love,
Caitlin

Dear MySpace,

I hate you.

Love,
Joanna

Dear City Frozen In Snow,

Oddly people are friendlier here when they're stuck in 3 feet of snow than when they aren't. Why is that? It's the alcohol...isn't it?

Love,
Kendall

Dear Three Glasses Of Wine At The Office Holiday Party,

YOU are th reasn I can'tt tpe today.

Love,
Danielle

Dear Bad Habit,

Break yourself. I'm tired.

Love,
Ashely

Dear Attractive, Talented Blonde Surrounded by Unattractive, Off-Key People Christmas Caroling At Record Labels Along Music Row This Morning,

That's really obvious, yet, still a really good plan.

Love,
Erin

Dear Line To Get A Picture With Santa At The Mall,

Is the purpose of a 1-2 hour wait just to see how GOOD and PATIENT the kids can be or the parents?

Love,
Katie P.

Dear Broken Heater In My Office,

It's your faul ti cannot ype today.

Love,
Danielle

Dear Giant Tin Of Butter Cookies That Will Most Certainly Result In A Significant And Depression-Inducing Weigh Gain,

I wish I could quit you.

Love,
Lanier

Dear No Vacation Left At The End Of The Year,

Cough, cough, sniffle...I suddenly feel the 24 hour flu coming on.

Love,
Stephen

Dear Double Negative,

I'm never not sure that you make me sound stupid, so why did I not not use you in this morning's meeting?

Love,
Greg

Dear Co-Worker That Crop Dusted My Aisle,

OMG!! That smells!

Love,
Stephen

Dear Justin Timberlake,

You are officially the greatest pop star, ever.

Love,
Tim

Dear Coat That's Too Thick For Fall And Too Thin For Winter,

You're lucky you make me look good.

Love,
Greg

Dear Elliptical Machine,

You know, I really want to use you, but I just don't want to disturb the pile of clothes laying on you.

Love,
Greg

Dear Greg,

I don't know you, but thanks for making me laugh on a Monday morning.

Love,
Erin

Dear Doctors' Offices Everywhere,

Your magazine rep lied to you. Parenting and Gardening are NOT the only two magazines we read.

Love,
Greg

Dear Coke Print Ads That Read "Thirsty?",

Yeah...because I just drank this Coke!!

Love,
Greg

Dear Rain,

Why do you insist on arriving only when I'm driving to and from work?

Love,
Danielle

Dear Motivation,

Come back to me. I'm sorry I took you for granted.

Love,
Kendra

Dear Slowly Receding Hairline On My 21 Year Old Head,

C'mon guys, let's stick together and hang on for a few more years. I promise that after I settle down, you can do whatever you want.

Love,
Michael

Dear ET's Decision To Put Tom Cruise At The #1 Spot On The Hot List,

Who is voting on this $h*t?

Love,
Marie

Dear Michael Richards,

Word to the wise: You can never fail with knock-knock jokes.

Love,
Greg

Dear Australia,

I was planning to take a vacation to see you, but then I found out that you're responsible for The Wiggles. You can forget it now.

Love,
Greg

Dear Yankee "Sweet" Tea Server,

Also, when I order iced tea, I don't mean mint tea or raspberry tea.

Love,
Rick

Dear Producers Of The Bachelor,

Please pick my friend to be on the show. Not becuase I care that she really find love, but I'm already married and can't be on the show myself.

Love,
Kiki

Dear End Of The Semester,

Thank you for ruining my social life, comedic abilities, and overall merryment.

Love,
Jenniac

Dear Guy Who Flipped Out At Subway Because They Were Out Of Regular Mayo,

Do manboobs and Miracle Whip not go well together?

Love,
Greg

Dear Exec's At The CW,

Still waiting to hear from you about my "Cuddles The Ninja Cat" pilot. If "Girlfriends" is getting renewed, I expect at least a phone call.

Love,
Greg

Dear Mid-90’s Clearasil Commercial That Has Been On TV Alot Lately,

Can you please tell me why you have brought the commercial with Danny Masterson, then a star on Roseanne, and now a star on That 70s Show back on the air??

Love,
Meredith

Dear Thong,

Will you ever be comfortable?

Love,
Amanda

Dear Fly,

Why didn't you tell me you were open? I've been at work for 6 hours!!

Love,
Caroline

Dear Bob Evans Restaurants,

You are SO NOT Cracker Barrell.

Love,
Rick

Dear Nashville Male Hipster That Isn't Trying Too Hard,

I know now why I couldn't find any girls' jeans. Thanks for nothing.

Love,
Cami

Dear Chivalry,

Why did you die? I miss you.

Love,
Amelia

Dear UCLA,

Thanks.

Love,
The Gator Nation

Dear Weathermen Everywhere,

First Defense Dopler, Live Dopler 5, SatRad... call your stupid dish whatever flashy name you want. Should I put on a coat or NOT?!

Love,
Greg

Dear Davis on The Real World Who Told One Roommate That He DIdn't Want To Tell His Other Roommates He Was Gay,

See that video camera you're talking into?

Love,
Danielle

Dear Handicapped People,

You get all the good parking spaces.

Love,
Marie

Dear Co-Worker Who Shouts "For Three Points!" Whenever He Throws Balls Of Trash Into The Wastebasket,

I wish the coach would trade you already.

Love,
Greg

Dear Being Just West Of The Central/Eastern Time Zone Line,

I clock in for work, it's dark. I clock out, it's dark. But having the Late Show on an hour earlier is so worth the depression.

Love,
Greg

Dear iPod Headphones Guy Near Me In The Library,

No commercials are being filmed here tonight, so you don't need to dance around as you stand up to get another book.

Love,
Will

Dear Winter Snow,

You don't call. You don't write. What do St. Louis and Chicago have over Nashville?

Love,
Sara

Dear Counting How Many Times The Cursor On My Blank Document Blinks Every Minute,

You and your friend "writer's block" suck.

Love,
Ashley Elizabeth

Dear Banana Republic,

Thank you for the unisex fitting rooms. They make for a truly awkward dressing experience.

Love,
Ashley

Dear Orhan Kahn,

Must you make ridiculous comments to everyone's posts?

Love,
Todd