Dear Judge Over Anna Nicole Smith's Case,

Were Pauly Shore and Andy Dick too busy to preside?

Love,
Jeremy

Dear Facebook,

Should I be concerned that you are the reason I go to work everyday?

Love,
Beth

Dear CNN, MSNBC, And The Today Show,

You can all stop competing for the "most outrageous lies we can tell Americans in one day" award.

It's a tie.

Love,
Ashley

Dear Awkwardness,

It's probably best that you stay home tonight while I'm on my date.

Love,
Beth

Dear Anonymous Co-Worker,

There is a reason for the Lyson disinfectant spray in the bathroom. Please use it.

Love,
Dixie

Dear Cold Weather,

Thanks for scaring the Girl Scouts away. I now have no cookies.

Love,
Kendall

Dear Ex-Boyfriend Who Asked Me for $150 Three Days After We Broke Up,

After seeing some recent pictures of you, I realize that you didn't need to pay your cell phone bill like you said. The new tattoo of your AREA CODE says it all. Glad I didn't let you guilt trip me into forking over the cash.

Love,
Lindsay

Dear High School Senior On A Campus Visit To Your Prospective College,

You might want to rethink that letter jacket from band. That's not really a lady killer anymore.

Love,
Kurt

Dear 6am Flights On A Saturday Morning,

Why do you exist and why do I agree to pay for you?

Love,
Courtney

Dear Uneven Eyebrows,

Maybe plucking you while drunk wasn't the best idea.

Love,
Alison

Dear Automatic Spellchecking Function That Now Appears While Writing Facebook Wall Comments,

If you think you're going to make my drunken wall posts sound less incomprehensible, you are sorely mistaken.

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Fox News,

The line between you and grocery checkout line tabloids is no longer visible.

Love,
Kendall

Dear Britney Spears,

About 2 years ago a reporter asked you how married life was and you said, "It's awesome."

Last week a reporter asked you how single life was and you said, "It's awesome."

Thanks for showing me the difference.

Love,
Jaycie

Dear MySpace & Facebook,

Thanks for taking the "blind" out of "blind date."

Love,
Jaycie

Dear Broken Heater In My Apartment,

I didn't care for you much anyway.

Love,
Michael

Dear Uncle Larry,

Your belt buckle collection is amazing! You should sell some and get your electricity turned back on.

Love,
Matt

Dear Toy Companies,

Do you hire research groups to find the most obnoxious noises or is that just pure luck?

Love,
Danielle

Dear Ginger Ale,

Why can't you be a hefeweizen?

Love,
J.

Dear Black Oil Based Paint That's All Over My Hands,

Oh..and now you're all over my keyboard...awesome.

Love,
Jon

Dear Roommate,

Remember when you asked me what kind of animal the Pink PANTHER was? I just wanted to bring that up again.

Love,
Chin

Dear Invitation to Join Facebook Group "Touch Me Where It Tickles,"

I'm not ticklish...but what the hell.

Love,
Jeremie Jay Bryner

Dear Drinking A Beer Before Going To The Gym,

It made sense at the time.

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Collision Center That Tried To Fix The Inside Of My Car Door With Duct Tape,

You've been outed.

Love,
Sarah T.