Dear Switchfoot,

Remember when you used to, you know, be good? Let's go back to that, okay?

Love,
Jenny

Dear Hair,

Why do you always look your best when I don't have anywhere to do?

Love,
Megan

Dear Middle Finger,

Thank you for always sticking up for me.

Love,
Tulip

Dear Steph Compaining Abut Men Working Out In Cargo Shorts,

It's a gym, full of stink and sweat, not a fashion show catwalk.

Love,
Kendall

Dear Idaho,

Sorry for helping my elderly aunt renew her driver's license.

Love,
Heidi

Dear Tourist Traps in London,

Ya got me.

Love,
Miriam

Dear Grad School,

Funny how I came here for an education and instead gained a drinking habit and love handles.

Love,
Katie

Dear Nipples On Men,

Why am I repulsed by you?

Love,
Jenniac

Dear Christian School,

Please give me back my soul.

Love,
Meg

Dear Men,

You look ridiculous when you work out in cargo shorts.

Love,
Steph

Dear Facebook Scrabble,

A-D-D-I-C-T-I-O-N

20 points!

Love,
Katie

Dear Oprah's Use of the Word "Shero",

...Really?

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Jackie,

My goldfish was named Matty. I miss him.

Love,
Jen

Dear Tennessee Titans,

Why are you so afraid of being loved? Stop losing when you know you can win.

Love,
Michael

Dear Mid-Life Crisis,

You're not supposed to show up for another 20 years. Please go away.

Love,
Melissa

Dear Cheap Wine, Ice Cream, Bear Grylls, & I Love New York 2,

You're the best Monday night date a girl could ask for.

Love,
Katie

Dear Goldfish That Was Not Mine,

I am really really sorry that I killed you. I didn't even know your name.

Love,
Jackie

Dear Untouched Homework,

I'm really bad at this, aren't I?

Love,
Katie

Dear Untouched Workout Clothes In My Suitcase At The End Of My Trip,

Whoops. My bad.

Love,
Katie

Dear Grandma,

I know you hate my hair. There's really no need to remind me of this fact every single time you see me. I think I get the point.

Love,
Jen

Dear Black Friday,

You would be 1000 times more fun if I actually had money.

Love,
Katie

Dear Wynonna,

Lip syncing does not involve talking to people in the crowd instead of mouthing lyrics.

Love,
Katie

Dear Squeaky Brakes,

How long do I have before you stop working?

Love,
Steph

Dear Dropping My MacBook Off At The Apple Store For Repairs,

Why do I feel helpless and alone, and why can't I stop eating?

Love,
Katie

Dear Mr. Jack Daniels,

You make Thanksgiving bearable. Well, you and football.

Love,
Joanna

Dear Mom,

The dog is not demon-possessed. Just drop it.

Love,
Crystal

Dear Crappy College Mattress,

Thanks for making my good and firm home mattress which I happily slept on for 6 years feel like a slab of rock.

Love,
Phoebe

Dear Brad the Bachelor,

Seriously?

Love,
Katie

Dear Local Austin News,

Highs of 60 do not demand a heavy winter coat.

Love,
Katie

Dear Me,

Can you please stop being the "girl he dated right before he met the one he would marry"? It's getting old.

Love,
A

Dear Boss,

If you could please stop masking your desire to control every aspect of my life with an obvious fake care and concern for me, that would really be great. Thanks.

Love,
Sarah P.

Dear Guy in the Next Car,

Your windows aren't even tinted. In fact you had your clear window rolled down halfway. Please wait until you get home before picking your nose.

Love,
Suzel

Dear Brother's Fiance,

He's my best friend and you're stealing him from me. So give me some time to adjust, ok? I do love you thought.

Love,
Michael

Dear Accounting Class,

Might as well just call you "Check Perez Hilton 101".

Love,
Katie

Dear Project Runway,

Thank you.

Love,
Katie

Dear WGA Writer's Strike,

Because of you I imagine people leaving their couches for sunshine and playing with children in the park, and laughing over jokes they tell each other over a TV-less meal. OR just their brains getting smaller with low-grade reality TV series.

Love,
Kendall

Dear 10:15am,

Shut up! I'll eat lunch with you whenever I want.

Love,
Sophie

Dear Girl in the Library,

I didn't drop my pencil. I threw it at you because the sign right above your head says no talking.

Love,
Tim

P.S. It's probably not a good idea to talk about your unusually heavy menstrual cycle on your cell phone in a crowded, quiet room with good acoustics.

Dear Fighting Illini,

A win over the Buckeyes was the perfect birthday present. Thanks!

Love,
Jackie

Dear Tease of a Girlfriend,

Without romance or any sexual contact, aren't we just buddies without benefits? The bell tolls for thee.

Love,
Jacob

Dear Fighting Illini,

F*&@ you!

Love,
The Entire Buckeye Nation

Dear ACL Knee Surgery,

Ya, you suck and are going to cause me lost of pain and inconvenience, but how sweet is it that I'll have a dead guy's knee?

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Soy Egg Nog,

Yum x infinity = you.

Love,
Katie

Dear Friend Who Scheduled a Hang Out Time With Me, Then Cancelled, Then Rescheduled, Then "Only Had Ten Minutes,

Next time let's do that whole thing online.

Love,
Miriam

Dear Ben & Jerry's Pistachio Ice Cream,

I bought you because you were the only flavor at the ghetto convenience store, but I finished you in one sitting because you were goo-ood!

Love,
Jen-nay

Dear Encore Presentation of Planet Earth on the Discovery Channel,

You're not a bad reason to stay in on a Friday night.

Love,
Katie

Dear Hangover,

No need for another introduction. We've met before.

Love,
JP

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,

When you said you needed space to "figure things out" and didn't want to ever talk to me again, I figured you meant you would actually stop texting me randomly during class and actually calling me at odd hours of the night.

Love,
Gary

Dear New Zealand Super Markets That Sell Fireworks Along Side Groceries,

THAT IS SO COOL and, yet a bad, bad idea!

Love,
Kendall

Dear Models On America's Next Top Model,

It's so weird how the extent of your shallowness makes it possible for me to eat fattening food each week while watching you and really not feel bad about myself at all. Thanks for that!

Love,
Jen

Dear Homecoming,

Thank you for reminding me why I graduated from college and moved away.

Love,
Danielle

Dear Ex-Boyfriend's Fiance,

Yup, I was totally avoiding you while I was in town. And I'm only somewhat ashamed that you are too dull to figure that out. The rest of me is spitefully delighted.

Love,
Anonymous

Dear Gossip Girl,

I would go on a passionate diatribe about how you're not as good as season one of the O.C. or 99% of the Gilmore Girls series, but then I'd realize that I'm a guy.

Love,
Michael

Dear 60 Year Old Man At Work Who Gave Me A Heart-To-Heart About Not "Dying Alone,"

Wow. I hadn't really thought about that until you pointed it out. Thanks for the heads up.

Love,
Ann

Dear Ronnie Dunn,

Aren't you like 90 by now?

Love,
Katie

Dear Unsorted Mail,

If only I was funny and smart enough to find a way to make a living off of you.

Love,
Katie

Dear Dark-Eyed Emo Rock Band Members Who I Played Scrabble With Until 5am Last Week,

b
a-t
c-o-m-e
kiiiie

Love,
Johannah

Dear Broccoli and Cheese and Cheap Wine,

Ya...it's official. I'm in college again.

Love,
Katie

Dear Man in the Car Next to Me who Smiled and then Nodded Approvingly at Me,

I need to confess that my phone did not really ring, I was just pretending to talk on it in order to make our special moment stop as soon as possible. Sorry for being so deceptive.

Love,
Jen

Dear Room,

Clean yourself and you can have all the spare change you can find.

Love,
Miriam

Dear Greyhound Bus Lines,

Thanks for a really great day. Nothing says "fun" like an overcrowded bus, breaking down in the middle of eastern Oregon, and a seat partner who only came back to his seat to hide his weed when the cops showed up to rescue us. You know what I also really liked? That time, after we got onto a new bus, when you forced half of us off, and left us stranded in Stanfield for four hours. I really enjoyed that truck stop, especially the Pilot convenience store. I was also really happy when I missed all my Monday classes. Thanks Greyhound!

Love,
Casey

Dear Guy At The Swim Test Today,

No, I can't pass you just because you're black. Thanks for asking.

Love,
Greg

Dear Guy Who Saw Me Crash My Bike Into A Hedge,

I'd rather die alone than have you awkwardly save me. Ride away next time.

Love,
Miriam

Dear Future Husband,

Remember how we were planning to meet...I'm still waiting.

Love,
Jackie

Dear Hayden Panettiere,

Why is your face always so shiny?

Love,
Matte

Dear "Missed Connections" Section of Craigslist,

I check you everyday, secretly hoping that I've caught someone's eye and they've written about me.

Love,
Jen

Dear LSU Fans Who Smell Like Corndogs,

When visiting Tuscaloosa this weekend please do us all a favor and pack the speed stick. It's not expensive. Also, if you want Nutria jerky you are going to have to bring it yourself.

Love,
Stephen

Dear Simply Naked Pita Chips,

I could not make it through the work day without you. Only you prevent me from ripping off my coworker's head when she announces what day it is every morning upon entering the office.

Love,
Marty