Dear God,

Please send $250 for a couple tickets to see The Police and Elvis Costello. I promise I'll never ask to go to another show again.

Love,
Alex

Dear Carriage Driver,

I'm sorry I almost hit your mule yesterday, but driving in rush hour traffic without turn signals is risky business.

Love,
Julio Jones

Dear Guy Who Hit On Me at Peet's,

Thanks for the ego boost. You were especially cute once I noticed the fanny pack. And the molester van with paintings on the side really made me want to give you my number.
Call me!

Love,
Alison

Dear Peppy Jingle Saying "Continuous Soooooft Rock",

I hope you see the irony.

Love,
Marie

Dear Weather.com,

I'm sorry I laughed when you told me there was a "Blowing Snow Advisory" today. You weren't kidding.

Love,
Phoebe

Dear 5 Inches of Snow 3 Days Before I Leave For South Beach,

Because of you I will have a much better time than expected.

Love,
Chin

Dear Massachusetts Drivers,

Why does it seem like you all received your licenses from Cracker Jack boxes?

Love,
Erin

Dear Broken Heart,

Again?

Love,
Morgan

Dear Class,

College would be a lot more enjoyable without you.

Love,
Alex

Dear Punk Who Stole My Car,

I'll give you back your Faygo and lil'Boosie CD if you give me back my passport, iPod, and Lacie's suitcase. Deal? Ok, great!

Love,
Timothy

Dear Peete's Coffee,

Making rude comments in response to my using "Starbucks" terms such as "grande" and "frappaccino" is not exactly going to win over my business.

Love,
Beth

Dear Unseasonably Warm Weather That Requires Me To Bust Out The Shorts,

Nope, those aren't white stockings I have on. Those are my pale, pale legs.

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Friday Night Lights,

Please please please come back.

Love,
Katie

Dear February 20th 2008,

Can I have a re-do please?

Love,
Jen

Dear New Year's Resolution,

Why do I even bother with you?

Love,
Julie

Dear American Idol,

Why are so many of you not American?

Love,
Jen

Dear Fidel Castro,

I thought you were dead already.

Love,
Alex

Dear Symposium,

Aren't you just a fancy name for "conference"?

Love,
Alex

Dear Nightly News Programs,

If I wanted to know what happened on American Idol or Survivor or Dancing with the Stars, I would have watched the show. From now on, how about you just report real news?

Love,
Brian

Dear Kid In The BMW, Speeding Down Our Street And Picking Your Nose,

I bet your parents are so proud of you!

Love,
Katie P.

Dear Jared Leto,

I know when I saw you in the airport last night I told you I liked your band, but I really just didn't know what else to say. Sorry.

Love,
Alex

Dear Band That Was Playing For The Marathon Runners Right Outside My Condo At 6:30am,

Ok, I guess I'm up.

Love,
Katie

Dear Eating A 4x4 Buger (4 Patties, 4 Pieces of Cheese, Etc.),

Best valentines day yet. You are much better than flowers – next time could you bring a great guy (preferably one who can eat an 8X8) with you?

Love,
Jen

Dear New Boss,

Thank you for showing me how fantastic my old boss was. I mean, fantastic. Truly out of this world.

Love,
Miriam

Dear April 15th,

Will you please get here already? I'm sick of people asking me, "Is my tax return ready yet? Do you know how much I'm getting back?" I DO KNOW AND I'M NOT TELLING YOU!

Love,
Jules

Dear Man Who Allowed His Big Dog To Knock My 2 Year Old Daughter Over And Then Claim It Was Her Fault For Standing In The Wrong Place,

It's called Dog Obedience classes. Look 'em up. Oh, and a little "I'm so sorry" could go along way.

Love,
Jenn

Dear Facebook,

Thanks for making it possible for me to view my ex-boyfriend's wedding album at any time. Really, I appreciate it. I look forward to voting in the poll on what gender their first child will be.

Love,
K.

Dear Most Uneventful Valentines Day Of My Life,

Surprises are totally overrated...I guess.

Love,
Katie

Dear Katie & Marie,

Will you be my Valentine(s)? There's a mix CD and box of candy hearts at stake here.

Love,
Michael

Dear Makers of Valtrex,

I would appreciate it if you would market a drug with a different name for fever blisters that occur on the mouth. I felt so ashamed at CVS this morning while getting my prescription filled.

Love,
Rachel

Dear Hickory Hollow Carnival KIA Manager Chris Bostick,

I know you think the commercials with you and your family of arian children are endearing and sweet, but they're actually just terrifying.

Love,
Michael

Dear Grad School Research Papers Due 3 Days Ago,

Organizing my iTunes is a higher priority right now.

Love,
Aaron

Dear Calorie Counting,

I always knew I hated math.

Love,
Michael

Dear Fake Spring Weather in Oregon,

Quit playing games with my heart.

Love,
Casey

Dear 1920's Film Noir Actors,

Why can't we still talk like you guys did?

Love,
Alex

Dear 3 Year Old Son Who Was Passing Gas At The Same Time You Were Falling To The Floor, After Tripping Over Your Step Stool,

That was a sympathetic laugh...I promise!

Love,
Stephen

Dear Reading The Entire Unsorted Mail Archives,

You were so much more fun than studying for the LSAT.

Love,
Kristin

Dear Friend Who Just Wants To Be Great Friends And Nothing More,

Reconsider?

Love,
Dan

Dear New England Weather,

So far today it has been cloudy, sunny, rainy, snowy, and there was even some thunder.

Love,
Sarah

Dear Snoop Dog's "Sensual Seduction" Song and Music Video,

Two things I never saw coming.

Love,
Katie

Dear Guitar Hero 3 On Expert,

You are under the arrest for the kidnapping and subsequent death of my social life.

Love,
Alex

Dear Woman On The Train With The 4 Crying Children,

I feel your pain. Honestly.

Love
Jake

Dear Guy Running In a Striped Sweater and Stocking Cap With Glasses,

We finally know where Waldo is!

Love,
Kendall

Dear Super Unfriendly Cute Guy at the Coffee Shop,

How many lattes do I have to buy to make you smile?!

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Chris from Project Runway,

I know you said you wanted to wear your model's outfit, but thank you for sparing the American public that monstrosity.

Love,
Alex

Dear Heart,

I'm putting you in Time-Out.

You've been a bad boy.

Love,
Jake

Dear Math Instructor Who Spells Color as "Colour",

I'm not British and neither are you.

Love,
Jake

Dear 1500 Miles,

I understand every relationship could use a certain amount of distance, but don't you think you're stretching it?

Love,
Crystal

Dear Classes,

You're worse than you sound: Heat Transfer, Experimental Heat Transfer, Fluid Mechanics, Experimental Fluid Mechanics, Machine Elements, Dynamic Systems and Controls, Dynamic Systems and Controls Lab, and Engineering Statistics. What was I thinking?

Love,
Graham

Dear Super Tuesday and Fat Tuesday Happening on the Same Day,

I guess we could call you Super Fat Tuesday. How appropriately American!

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Student Accounts,

Another hold on my transcripts? Love you too!

Love,
Dianna

Dear Grandmother in New Jersey,

I love you, but I'm not sure you telling me to "behave" occasionally is going to cut it.

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Lent,

I'm giving you up.

Love,
Sarah

Dear Worker in the Mail Room,

Your rendition of Daft Punk's "Around the World" made me want to boot YOU around the world.

Love,
Courtney

Dear Miley Cyrus Song I Heard At The Gym,

Uh oh - I think I like you.

Love,
Em

Dear Superbowl Sunday,

You've become the fattest day of the year for Americans, even more than Fat Tuesday. Ironic

Love,
Kendall

Dear Lady In Line At The Post Office,

Your singing was getting on my nerves, but then I glanced in your purse I saw the book, "Teaching Yourself To Sing" and changed my mind. You're just hilarious.

Love,
Liza

Dear Readers,

Minor update...MySpace Fans of Unsorted Mail no longer exists.

Constantly deleting sketchy comments, friend requests, and messages kind of pushed me over the edge.

But Facebook is still going strong!!!

Email us with ideas of how we can better cater to you, our readers and writers!

Love,
Katie of Unsorted Mail

Dear Friday Night Lights,

You totally make staying in on a Friday night worth it...or is that just me?

Love,
Katie

Dear Couch,

I am so sorry that the Couch To 5K is getting in the way of our beautiful relationship. I miss you.

Love,
Jen

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

Saying that I am on par with every other girl to win your heart...is not cool.

Love,
Morgan

Dear Brooklyn Towing Place From Hell,

Why don't you just take my entire life savings and then laugh as I become a homeless dumpster diver with a car? It's what you want to do anyway.

Love,
Erica

Dear Last 10 Lbs.,

Stop being so freaking stubborn.

Love,
Erica

Dear Tattoo On My Body That Wants A Friend,

What are we going to do?! We told mom that you would be the only one!

Love,
Meg

Dear Workstudy Where I Do Nothing,

Thanks for increasing my life's productivity. I no longer do nothing unless I'm getting paid.

Love,
Lottie

Dear Cutest Little 12 year-old Brother Ever,

I am sorry I made you mad because I laughed so hard when you butted into my conversation about the DC metro system and piped in with, "I can NEVER figure that metro system out!" and you really meant the Metric system. It was just too cute.

Love,
Johannah

Dear Inbox,

Why is the number next to you the most significant thing in my life?

Love,
Miriam

Dear Girl I've Been Dating Who Just Wants To "Make Out But Not Make It Official,"

I thought I had no self-esteem, but I was wrong. See ya around.

Love,
Michael

Dear Unsorted Mail,

By not posting my last letter, doesn't that mean that you're sorting the mail?

Love,
Anonymous

Dear 2 Naps After Work,

You seemed like a good idea at the time.

Love,
Kristin

Dear Other Jen Who Posts On Unsorted Mail,

Could you please use another name, it's kind of confusing for my friends.

Love,
Jen

Dear MySpace,

It's not you, it's me.

Wait, no, it IS you...and all of your spam. Goodbye.

Love,
Katie