Dear Discipline,

Thanks for sustaining me through the first page of my paper. Now I only have 9 more to go...and I'm already on Unsorted Mail. This could be a long night.

Love,
Brett

Dear Katie,

Could it be possible that we saw each other more when we lived 700 miles apart than now when we live... 6?

Love,
Marie

Dear Craigslist,

You are all I need.

Love,
Marie

Dear Summer,

Thanks for coming too soon again. So not ready for swim suit season.

Love,
Michon

Dear Uncooked Tollhouse Cookie Dough,

My husband's lectures about raw eggs fall on deaf ears, for I do not care. I am not ashamed of my love. You are to me a delicious torment.

Love,
Cori

Dear Facebook,

Your chatting feature is uncomfortably awesome...I think.

Love,
Chin

Dear Retail Store Employee,

It will always be fine to put my receipt in the bag.

Love,
Marie

Dear Twitter,

I was so much more productive until you came into my life.

Love,
Becky

Dear Tootsie Rolls,

I don't know why depression is so rampant when you guys are so yummy.

Love,
Brett

Dear Slim Jims,

If you are what you eat, why doesn't consuming you make me more hot, slim and mysterious?

Love,
Anna

Dear Unsorted Mail Readers and Writers,

I think we should have a funny convention and hold it at a bar. Who's in?

Love,
Jenniac

Dear Cafeteria Food,

Your quality is going downhill about as fast as my motivation. I think it's time for summer.

Love,
Alex

Dear Friends Who Told Me You "Track My Progress" By Checking My Posts On Unsorted Mail,

You are creeps.

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Getting Into A Climate Change Debate Due To An Unsorted Mail Post,

It's true, you don't have to have a sense of humor to visit this blog but it's a lot more fun if you do.

Love,
Michael

Dear Global Warming Unsorted Mail Banter and Accusations,

Since when did Unsorted Mail become a clearing house for left/right/conservative/liberal/stupid/ok,uneducated/anonymous arguments? I so thought this was a humor thing. Can't we all just get along in our down jackets and bathing suits as the world freezes and burns us all? Laugh a little more...

Love,
Kendall

Dear Map And Globe Store,

How's business?

Love,
Lindsay

Dear Santa,

I know it is April, but could you please bring me a 10 speed? It does not have to be new, just something that I can pedal.

Love,
Gabriel

Dear Fliers for NORML Rallies on 4/20,

Let's tackle things like AIDS and Cancer first.

Love,
Michael

Dear Celebrities Starring in "Celebra Cadabra",

So you're competing to see which celebrity can become the best magician? The best trick you could pull is raising your careers from the grave.

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Unsorted Mail,

Thanks for helping me pass 7.5 hours of blissful unproductivity at work today. I hope we can keep a good thing going.

Love,
Lucas

Dear Mr. Scuba Diving is Such and Extreme Sport,

You weigh 300 pounds. No it isn't.

Love,
Katherine

Dear Global Warming,

If it wasn't April 12, 33 degrees and snowing (for the last 2 days), I might actually consider believing you exist.

Love,
Lauren P.

Dear FoodNetwork.com,

We love your website. Really, we do. We've been using it with our fourth grade students for a project in which they make a really nice recipe card featuring some type of California-grown produce. To that end, we'd like to humbly request you stop posting advertising for women's lingerie (in today's case, bras) at the top of the pages. Emeril Lagasse's garlic bread recipe was nowhere near as interesting as the bra-clad female torso observed by our students today on the big screen when we were demonstrating. Something may have grown in California just then, but it wasn't produce...if you receive my meaning.

Love,
Computer Teachers at a private Christian School
(unless we get fired after this)

Dear Person Who Used The Staff Bathroom Before Me,

Thanks for leaving a big stink in your wake. And the pube on the toilet seat? Was that a bonus?

Love,
Diana

Dear Person Sitting By Me In Class and Reading My Laptop Over My Shoulder,

When you don't get the dirty joke on my friend's Facebook page, don't ask me to explain it.

Love,
Alex

Dear Television That Just Died,

Why do I feel more lonely all of a sudden?

Love,
Katie

Dear Stupid Internet Filter At Work,

Seriously? "Panty dropper"? That's what had you so much "in a curl" that I couldn't read Unsorted Mail?? Why don't you block something more worthwhile, like actual "panties"??? Leave my Unsorted Mail alone!

Love,
Kimberly

Dear Prospective Freshman,

Don't fall asleep in the class you're visiting. If we can deal, so can you.

Love,
Phoebe

Dear Airstream Travel Trailor,

Some look at you with white trash scorn...But these eyes don't lie. You are everything that is beautiful a life of good times and adventure. See you soon.

Love,
Meg

Dear Starbucks,

Thanks for ruining my life and changing your logo.

Love,
Meg

Dear Drunk Girl At The Rugby Social That Told Me I Had Sausage Fingers But "It's Not A Bad Thing",

Yeah, when I rolled my eyes and walked away, that wasn't a bad thing either.

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Olympic Torch,

If you've been extinguished 3 times in France, doesn't that mean you have to go back to "Start" without collecting $200?

Love,
Kendall

Dear TNT Playing the Lord Of The RIngs Trilogy All Weekend Long,

I'm a lot more excited about this than I should be.

Love,
Michael

Dear Senior Research Paper,

Go do yourself.

Love,
Johannah

Dear February 2006 Archives,

God, you were good. Where did my funny go?

Love,
Katie

Dear Irony,

I bet you enjoyed that my "Overcommitment" workshop is making me miss another meeting.

Love,
Claire

Dear Private Parking Company That Issued Me A Ticket,

No I will not pay you $20.

Love,
Michael

Dear Guy on the Bus With Piercings and Chains,

I noticed the upper 8 inches of your Snoopy boxers when you sat down. Unexpected? Yes. Appreciated? Not so much.

Love,
Katie

Dear Job,

I wish you interested me more so I would spend less than 7 hours a day playing on the internet.

Love,
Rachel