Dear Taylor Kitsch,

When I casually made eye contact with you in Whole Foods, I was mentally wrestling to the floor and duct taping the mouth of my inner-twelve-year-old-screaming-I-LOVE-YOU-TIM-RIGGINS!-while-begging-for-an-autograph-self. You're welcome.

Love,
Marie

Dear The Salt Lick BBQ, Claiming To Be The Last Bit Of Texas Left In Austin,

1) You yourself are not located in Austin.
2) You've clearly never been to Deep Eddy Cabaret.

Love,
Marie

Dear DJ Who Played 'It's 5 O'Clock Somewhere" at 8am This Morning,

Great point.

Love,
Marie