Dear Tennessee Titans Making The Playoffs,

I love you so much it hurts sometimes.

Love,
Michael

Dear Sisters Who Got Me A Scale For Christmas,

I know, I know, I asked for one. But talk about killing the day...ugh.

Love,
Miriam

Dear Working 12 Hours A Day From Dec 17-28,

Thanks for giving me an excuse to not go home and have to deal with my family. But other than that, you suck!

Love,
Brian

Dear Loyal Readers,

Unfortunately Unsorted Mail/I will have limited internet access for the next few days, but keep those submissions coming and we'll do a crazy post-fest when we're up and running again.

Love,
Katie

Dear Holidays Is A Time For Family,

Have you met mine?

Love,
Miriam

Dear 30 Year Old Woman Entering A Mid-Life Crisis Who Danced On The Bar At Coyote Ugly Then Posted The Pictures On MySpace,

I'm really not sure which one is worse.

Love,
Your mortified sister

Dear Wertz,

A Christmas album next year, pretty please?

Love,
Angela

Dear Going Home For The Holidays,

All I want for Christmas is for you not to be so insanely busy.

Love,
Danielle

Dear Woman At Target Who Walked Into My Bathroom Stall Before I Had Gotten Out Because She Had To "Go Bad,"

WHOA! Seriously?! Way to pack a punch of annoying and inappropriate.

Love,
Katie

Dear Man in The Reno Airport,

You stripping off your full Carhart overalls did not make the security line go faster, but it sure did make it seem like Christmas came a little early this year.

Love,
Jackie

Dear Golden Girls,

1. Thank you for being in syndication.
2. Thank you for being so funny.
3. Thank you for giving me hope that I'll be funny when I'm old.

Love,
Melissa

Dear Spears Family,

Would you buy it if I said we didn't see this coming?

Love,
Michael

Dear Dirty Clothes,

Sorry for using all of my quarters in the slot machines. Better luck next time.

Love,
Sarah

Dear Staying Up Until 2am Assemblin CoWorkers' Christmas Presents,

I don't even like most of you.

"Love,"
Kristin

Dear Jamielynn Spears,

Wow. Christmas came early for celeb gossip addicts everywhere.

Love,
Jenniac

Dear Jamielynn Spears,

Why are we the same age, yet you're pregnant and I'm stressed about homework?

Love,
Hannah

Dear Jamielynn Spears,

If you want to keep your child and keep it from trauma, don't let Britney babysit.

Love,
Erica

Dear Sleep,

I remember you fondly.

Love,
Miriam

Dear Bottle of Wine,

You should be more responsible and not let me drink all of you in the span of two hours. I hope you learned your lesson.

Love,
Michael

Dear Starbucks "Tall" Drinks,

You're really not fooling people. We know you're shrinking in size.

Love,
Katie

Dear Turing Off My Alarm Clock And Checking PerezHilton.com As I Roll Out Of Bed,

Priorities straight during final exam week? Check.

Love,
Katie

Dear Heart,

Ugh. I know. I know. But this time can we just skip straight to "over it?"

Love,
Leah

Dear Relationship Status on Facebook,

Thank you for saving me from a really awkward comment...and friend, tell me yourself next time.

Love,
Miriam

Dear Pager,

I think wearing you every day for work makes me a real grown-up or an old school drug dealer. Not sure which one yet.

Love,
Ann

Dear Room Without Windows That I Am Forced To Work In,

Aren't you breaking some sort of fire code? If not, you should be.

Love,
Beth

Dear 70 Degrees in December,

The contract we signed specifically states that the weather outside is supposed to be frightful, not delightful.

Love,
Michael

Dear World,

I had to share this with you.

Oh, and this too.

Love,
Katie

Dear Friend Who Told Me We Needed To Have a Ten Hour Phone Conversation By Friday Because So Much Has Happened,

You just took catching up to a whole new level. I don't think my ears can take it.

Love,
Miriam

Dear Spare Tire,

You don't look cool on a car, and you don't look cool on me. Please realize you are not welcome here.

Love,
Jeremy

Dear Phrase "Don't Mess With Texas,"

You bet this Yankee from New York that just moved here is gonna mess with you. Big time. Oh wait, everyone here has guns and uses them freely...just kidding.

Love,
Jenniac

Dear Chia Pet,

Who is still buying you?

Love,
Caitlin

Dear Future Husband,

I can explain...

Love,
Christine

Dear Friend Who Uses Cliches Constantly,

When in Rome...

Love,
Miriam

Dear Last & Most Important Paper of the Semester,

You have no idea how many times failing seemed like a better option than writing you.

Love,
Miriam

Dear Winter,

You're stopping by southern California this year right?
Make up your mind.

Love,
Anonymous

Dear Girl Who Looked at Herself 4 Times While Walking by the the Reflective Window in the Cafeteria,

What's more embarrassing? Not looking at absolutely perfect for an hour or the fact that you are working so hard to look absolutely perfect...in the cafe?

Tough call, I know.

Love,
Leah

Dear 19 Year Old Bagel Boy That Winked At me,

Awh! How cute. You're the same age as my baby brother.

Love,
Crystal

Dear Friend Who Keeps Saying How Pretty I Am,

So, is that supposed to make up for the 21 years of singleness? Because it certainly doesn't explain it.

Love,
Anonymous

Dear Coiner of the Phrase, "There's More Fish In The Sea,"

I know...

but it's polluted.

Love,
Leah

Dear Half Gallon Of Ice Cream That I Finished In 5 Days,

Oh...it was only 4 days? Crap.

Love,
Katie

Dear Mini Fridge That Melted My Ben & Jerry's But Is Now Freezing My Diet Coke,

What the hell?

Love,
Casey

Dear D.L. Hughley,

How did you translate a career of being a kinda funny comedian into being a clueless social commentator? I am fascinated.

Love,
Michael

Dear 85 Degrees In December,

You also lead to seasonal depression...just in a different way.

Love,
Katie

Dear Red Wine,

And know you taste so fine.
(And you keep me rocking, all of the time...)

Love,
Alison

Dear Sleep,

It's been far too long since we've spent quality time together.

Love,
Melissa