Dear Woman Whose Survey Got Sent To Me At Work,

Thanks for abbreviating the word association by writing "Ass." I'm not sure if you realized what you were doing, but it sure made me happy.

Love,
Melissa

Dear First Season of Beverly Hills 90210 on DVD,

Dylan you are looking goooood.
Brenda you are lookin rooooough.

Love,
Jenniac

Dear Couple Making Out In Front Of Us At Starbucks,

This is not Six Flags. Please remove your lips from each other's faces and your hands from each other's back pockets.

Love,
Andy and Adam

Dear Guy Wearing A T-Shirt In A Pool,

You're not fooling anyone, buddy.

Love,
Greg

Dear Dignity,

Where were you last night? Missed having you around. Don't worry though, Common Sense wasn't able to make it either.

Love,
Dee

Dear Guy Roller Blading On A Major U.S. Highway,

You be safe out there, buddy. Watch out for side mirrors...those can leave a mark.

Love,
Allan

Dear Rachael Ray,

I have determined it physically impossible to create any of your recipies in 30-minutes. You are a liar.

Love,
Jonathan

Dear Co-Worker In The Next Cubicle,

The sordid details of your husband’s intestinal problems really brightened my Monday.

Love,
Gabriel

Dear Oil Companies,

As much as I’m mad at you, I guess I should thank you for distracting me from how much I’ve been paying for bottled water, batteries, and printer cartridges.

Love,
Greg

Dear Belt That Used To Fit Me Perfectly,

Come on, work with me here.

Love,
Greg

Dear Unsorted Mail,

Please forgive me for the 2 year hiatus. We have a lot of catching up to do.

Love,
Mike B.

Dear Aunt Who Asked Me If I Was Having A Boy Or A Girl 4 Months After I Had A Miscarriage,

I personally don't think I look 7 months pregnant but thanks for the awkward moment.

Love,
Lizzie

Dear Little Boy Who TOld The Little Girl That She Had A Mustache,

Keep talking like that and you'll never get a girlfriend. But keep trying.

Love,
Phil

Dear Lowe's Gift Card,

Congratulations on being the official Fathers' Day gift of 2008.

Love,
Greg

Dear State Police Fundraising Representative Who Kindly Reminded Me To Buckle Up Before Asking For Money,

Now that I've told you no, do you still want me to buckle up?

Love,
Greg

Dear 883 Miles Between Nashville (My Home) and New York (Her Home),

Kindly get out of the way,

Love,
Michael

Dear Readers,

I'm so so so sorry.

Love,
Katie

Dear July,

You obviously haven't been very funny.

Love,
Marie