February 28, 2006

Dear Arsenio Hall,

We miss you!

Love,
Dave & Jordan

(This would be our first letter from the outside...join the fun, and submit your letters to unsortedmail@gmail.com)

21 comments:

Jordan said...

I made it!!

Anonymous said...

Dear Dave & Jordan,
Cute note. It is fanny bandits like you and the Queer Eye catamites who are responsible for my demise. Have fun at your Unitarian wedding dressed like storm troopers.

Arsenio

Anonymous said...

Arsenio,
I'm amazed you can even afford a computer. Looks like your incessant googling of your name finally paid a dividend. You are so far out of the spotlight that I didn't even think Jack Bauer could find you.

However, you can find Dave, and me, in Mercer's upcoming rendition of Brokeback in Executive Compensation.

Snoogins,
Jordan

Anonymous said...

Dear Arsenio,

So... you're not Lando Calrissian?

Love,
Star Wars Guy

Anonymous said...

Star Wars Guy,
Your breadth of knowledge and self-proclaimed moniker clearly indicate my five minutes of fame rendered more pussy than you will ever see in your lifetime. To that point, tell your sister I'm really sorry I never called her back.

If Neil Patrick Harris wasn't at the strip club right now, I'd rally the troops for an old fashion ass whoopin.

Good luck with Halo tonight.

Arsenio

Anonymous said...

Dearest Arsenio,

Please do not doubt my lack of female companionship.

Last year at the Star Wars convention there were Playboy models there. Well, I think they were there. I would have seen them if a sweet X-Wing simulator wasn't near the hot dog stand.

I don't play Halo. It's Halo 2 now, dork.

-Star Wars Guy

Anonymous said...

Star Wars Guy,

Three platinum subscriptions to online adult websites and a wrap-around Sally does not a P-I-M-P make. While you are customizing a female Tiger Woods character that is attractive enough to masturbate to, I'm planning my come back.

If Eddie Murphy made millions on Daddy Day Care and Damon Wayans isn't panhandling after his latest prime time "shit"com, I know there is a market for ex-comedians turned main stream bitches...

If George Lucas asked you on a date, would you consider it?

Arsenio

Anonymous said...

Dear Star Wars Guy -

eat too many of those hot dogs and you'll end up looking more like jabba the hutt than a store trooper. You are the sort of tool that preferred Return of the Jedi to Empire Strikes Back.

And by the way, I would prefer a room full of Arsenios to spending 10 minutes with a toolbag like you. You probably preferred Return of the Jedi to Empire Strikes Back.

proudly taking princess lea to pound town -
the emperor

Anonymous said...

Anonymous-

I did the no pants dance with Carrie Fisher aka Princeless Lea, after my first season, and for the record, she knocks it out. Don't be too tough on Star Wars guy.

If you think I'm washed up, you should share a box of Franzia with that loony-toon. You'll want an anti-depressant yourself after 5 minutes listening to her blather.

Arsenio

Anonymous said...

Dear Arsenio,
How's the elbow rehab coming along.

Best wishes,
Tommy John

Anonymous said...

Why can't we just leave the quiet chubby guy alone?

-Star Wars Guy

P.S. I have George Lucas boxers.

marietard5 said...

Dear Letters P, U, S (when doubled), and Y,

I am allowed to ban you from being in that particular order on our comments section. And I just did.

Love,
Marie

Anonymous said...

Dear Marie,
Live a little.

Love,
BTK Killer

Anonymous said...

Jordan,
I no longer want to move away to Pennsylvania with you and start a doo-doo butter company in an Amish community. You've closed your eyes for the last time when we make love.

Dave (formely of Dave & Jordan)

Mr. Husbland said...

Dave & Jordan,

Please do not break up. Kiss, make up, and wear tights like us.

Love,
Batman & Robin

Anonymous said...

Dr. Mr. Hus"bland":

You available?

Dave

Mr. Husbland said...

Dear Dave,

Only in 46 of the 48 continental states.

-Mister

Fatty said...

My emails were funnier than the arsenio one...

Anonymous said...

Fatty,
You strike me as the kind of guy who would find sending text messages out from the shitter to let your friends know that you are making boom-boom to be an uber riot. Thus, it doesn't surprise me that you would find your JV quips to be more amusing than the knowledge I've dropped on you.

Arsenio

Anonymous said...

Arsenio,

Guess what!! I'm taking a dump next to my boss!!! His is waayyyyyyyyy worse!

Fatty

Anonymous said...

pussy