Dear Graduate School Applications,

Why can't you just turn asexual and do yourself?

Love,
Dianna

Dear Fashion,

Sorry about today.

Love,
Lottie

Dear Beauty Mark Located Above My Lip,

You are going to be officially demoted to "mole" if you keep growing black hairs. No one thinks that is beautiful. Consider yourself warned.

Love,
Jackie

Dear Anyone Who Spells "Thanks" As "Thanx",

That stopped being clever 15 years ago.

Luv,
Jen

Dear 20 lbs. That I've Been Trying To Lose For 3 Months Now,

I don't deserve you, you should be with someone who will appreciate you. Like, for instance, Nicole Richie.

Love,
Katie P.

Dear Woman Sitting Right Next To Me And My Friends @ the Village Tavern Who Was Sticking Her Toungue In Her Boyfriend's Ear All Night,

I bet your dad is so proud of you.

Love,
Michael

Dear Guy Who Sold Me A FAKE Yellowcard CD At The Warped Tour,

I'm prepared to hunt you down until I find you and get my $5 back.

Love,
Morgan

Dear Interstate 40,

After spending 22 hours together, I think it's about time that we go our separate ways.

Love,
Jen

Dear High School Guy Who Was Dared To Propose To Me,

...awkward-fest 07.

Love,
Katie

Dear Anonymous Employee,

Thank you for making my morning special. I laughed and almost vomited when I say a peach pit sitting on top of the paper towels in the company bathroom trash can.

Laughed because....what is that little guy doing there?
Vomited because....who would actually devour a peach while performing a bathroom only activity. That requires a lot of hand-mouth coordination and at least a paper towel or two.

Love,
Jeremy

Dear Decorative Fruit,

Why do you look so good but taste so bad?

Love,
Neely

Dear Guy I'm Seeing,

Do you think you could maybe wash your sheets so I don't wake up with black dog hair on my shirt, in my underwear, and in my mouth?

Love,
Ashley B.

Dear Monday,

While the rest of the world takes vacations at least once a year, your seem to work far more than your share. I am NOT impressed.

Love,
Daniella

Dear God,

Please contact a plumber. The water system in Oklahoma has some major issues and we should be in "DROUGHT" season now, not "RAIN EVERY FREAKIN DAY" season.

Love,
Katie P.

Dear 28 Year Old Sister Living At Home And Hating Her Job,

Don't be mad at me becuase I went away to college, will move out after graduation, and love what I'm doing.

Love,
Lizbeth

Dear Vacation To My Family Reuinon,

Thanks. Now I need another vacation.

Love,
Daniella

Dear My First Crush,

You're about 10 years too late.

Love,
Anne

Dear Green Light That Went Green For Every Direction But Mine For 7 Minutes Until My Friend Finally Got Out And Pushed The Pedestrian Walk Light,

Nice.

Love,
Jen

Dear Toilet Seat Covers,

I'm still not quite sure how to use you.

Love,
Miriam

Dear Series Of Exclamation Points,

I'm sorry for abusing you so much the day that I got engaged. I hope you understand.

Love,
Miriam

Dear Tuberculosis Test,

Why are you the only thing that is positive in my life?

Love,
Ann

Dear Wedding Picture Facebook Girls,

Let's make a rule... when you're that excited about the next stage of your life, it's time to let the present stage collect some dust.

Love,
David

Dear Katie and Our Nations Independance,

Happy Birthday!

Love,
Marie

Dear Nonstick Pan,

YOU LIE!!

Love,
David