Dear Co-Worker Who Irritates Me,

1. Your voice does carry through the phone w/o an increase in volume.

2. While on speaker phone, please do remember to hang up the phone after you leave a voicemail, you won’t look & sound like such an idiot when the voicemail asks whether you wish to delete or repeat you message.

3. Please stop calling me your ‘Partner’ when speaking to clients; you’re married, I have a girlfriend and we live in a P.C. world where ‘Partner’ can be seriously mis-construed,

4. Please eat then work instead of crunching away on your chips then proceeding to wipe the food matter on your mouse, keyboard and desktop.

5. You need to exercise and cauterize the blockage in your nasal cavity, I tire of listening to your heavy breathing.

Love,
Christian