Dear Man Who Sat Next To Me On The Plane,

When you dropped your Xanax, asked me to get your imaginary book called "3 Ways To Avoid The FBI" and then spilled Coke all over me becuase you thought there were snakes on the plan, I thought three things:

1. Don't worry, I don't need an apology. I like walking aroudn during my layover with a wet butt.

2. Samuel L. Jackson will be hearing from me.

3. Please take your Xanax BEFORE you get on the plane. Passengers everywhere will be thankful.

Love,
Crockett